daily seinfeld

Babu: You’re a very kind man. Very kind, thank you. Very...

Sun, 26 Feb 2012 13:30:06 -0500

Babu: You’re a very kind man. Very kind, thank you. Very kind…
Jerry thinks: Very kind. I am a kind man. Who else would do something like this? Nobody. Nobody thinks about people like I do. All right, snap out of it you stupid jerk. You’re eating a turkey sandwich. What do want, a nobel price?

(via The Cafe)

GEORGE: So concerned was he, that word of his poor tennis skills...

Sat, 25 Feb 2012 13:30:05 -0500

GEORGE: So concerned was he, that word of his poor tennis skills might leak out, he chose to offer you his wife as some sort of mediaeval sexual payola?
JERRY: (explanation) He’s new around here.
GEORGE: (hopeful) So, details?
JERRY: (walking away) Well, I didn’t sleep with her.
GEORGE: Because of society, right?
JERRY: (weary) Yes, George, because of society.

(via The Comeback)

Kramer is playing the rest of The Other Side Of Darkness. The...

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 13:30:06 -0500

Kramer is playing the rest of The Other Side Of Darkness. The soundtrack can be heard from the TV.
NURSE (O.C.): Doctor, how’s her coma?
DOCTOR (O.C.): Oh, exactly the same.
DOCTOR (O.C.): Wait a minute, she’s coming out of the coma.
DOCTOR (O.C.): Mrs Allbright, can you hear me? Are you okay?
ALLBRIGHT (O.C.): (bright and cheerful) I feel so rested and refreshed. Get me a toothbrush.

(via The Comeback)

Elaine: Since when do you wear cologne? George: Why what I do is...

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 13:30:05 -0500

Elaine: Since when do you wear cologne?
George: Why what I do is so important? Why must I be always the vocal point of attention? Let me just be, let me live.

(via The Cafe)

ELAINE: Hey, do you believe I got happy new year today? It’s...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 12:52:35 -0500

ELAINE: Hey, do you believe I got happy new year today? It’s February.
JERRY: I once got Happy new Year in July.
ELAINE: It’s…
JERRY: It’s pathetic.

(via The Dinner Party)

GEORGE: So—ah, Kramer. Why’d you ask me out to...

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 13:30:00 -0500

GEORGE: So—ah, Kramer. Why’d you ask me out to dinner? [amused] An’ why Pomodoro?
KRAMER: Allison spoke to me, and um. She wanted me to speak to you.
GEORGE: Uh-oh.
KRAMER: We all know that this relationship isn’t working. So Allison an’ I think that the best thing to do is just.. make a, clean break.
GEORGE: Can’t we discuss this?
KRAMER: We just don’t think you’re ready for a serious relationship!
GEORGE: I didn’t even know you wanted to get serious!
KRAMER: So what am I in this for? You know, I’m getting to a point in my life where I need something more than just.. a good time.
GEORGE: Are you?
KRAMER: Wha—me? No! No. But she is.
GEORGE: I, I can’t believe this is happening!
KRAMER: George, we’re sorry. [pause] We’re through..
GEORGE: Krama. Please.
KRAMER: [leaves, upset] Waaa-aa—aa! I’m sorry—

(via The Suzie)

ELAINE: Can you believe this woman?JERRY: [ironic outrage] The...

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 13:31:00 -0500

ELAINE: Can you believe this woman?
JERRY: [ironic outrage] The nerve. Talkin’ about ya behind your back—and right to your face!
ELAINE: No. “Suze!” I mean, “Suzie!” “Suzanne!” “Suzanna.” Fine! But there is no, way, I’m gonna be a Suze.
JERRY: No. No Suze.

(via The Suzie)

JERRY: She wants to talk?GEORGE: She doesn’t Want to talk,...

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 13:31:05 -0500

JERRY: She wants to talk?
GEORGE: She doesn’t Want to talk, she needs to talk.
JERRY: Nobody needs to talk.
GEORGE: Who would Want to? She tried to end it with me, Jerry.
JERRY: What’d ya do?
GEORGE: I told her I was out o’ soda, I went out to get some, an’ I never went back.
JERRY: [pause] All night?!
GEORGE: Yeah, I slept at my parents’ house.
JERRY: And she wants to break up with you..

(via The Suzie)

Elaine: Yeah, well, he’s in perfect health. He works out,...

Sat, 18 Feb 2012 13:31:05 -0500

Elaine: Yeah, well, he’s in perfect health. He works out, he’s vibrant. You’d really like him.
Jerry: Why do people always say that? I hate everyone, why would I like him?

(via The Alternate Side)

Monica: Oh, I think you’re making too much of this. IQ...

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 13:30:06 -0500

Monica: Oh, I think you’re making too much of this. IQ tests don’t mean anything.
George: Are you kidding me? This is the best tool we have today of measuring a persons intelligence.
Monica: Well, I certainly don’t place any importance on it.
George: Well, I think you’re wrong about that. And now if you would excuse me, I would like to get started please.
Monica: Good luck.

(via The Cafe)

GEORGE: An’ wait’ll you see the dress that...

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 13:30:05 -0500

GEORGE: An’ wait’ll you see the dress that she’s got. It’s backless! Uh?! I’m finally gonna make a Great Entrance!
ELAINE: Backless? Ya gonna back her in?
GEORGE: Elaine, when a woman makes a Ball Entrance.. she twirls.
ELAINE: She’s not gonna twi—
GEORGE: She’ll Twirl.

(via The Suzie)

KRAMER: Oh, by the way: you owe Mike a hundred ...

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 13:30:06 -0500

KRAMER: Oh, by the way: you owe Mike a hundred dollars.
JERRY: What for?
KRAMER: Well I put a bet down for ya on tonight’s game. Yeah, if the Knicks beat the Pacers by more than thirty-five? It pays ten to one. Oo-oo! That’s some sweet action!
JERRY: But I don’t want any “sweet action.”
KRAMER: Well, I couldn’t do it: I got a gamblin’ problem.
JERRY: So you put down my money?!
KRAMER: You don’t have a problem.
JERRY: Not that, no..

(via The Suzie)

Jerry: Bazooka Joe. (via The Cafe)

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 13:30:06 -0500

Jerry: Bazooka Joe.

(via The Cafe)

George: Hey, if I were a gigolo, how much do you think I could...

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 13:30:05 -0500

George: Hey, if I were a gigolo, how much do you think I could charge a night?
Elaine: Here, or in Japan?
George: What’s the difference?
Elaine: Well, the Japanese are more enlightened. They can see beyond the physical.
George: Forget Japan, how much would you pay?
Elaine: Oh, I don’t know. A dollar?
George: I think I am worth at least 300.
Elaine (laughs): I don’t think so!
George: Hey, it’s for all night!
Elaine: I know!
George: You are demeaning me.
Elaine: You are a gigolo!
George: Well, you hired me. I am the victim here.
Elaine: Did I force you into this line?
George: Yes. You and every woman like you.

(via The Suzie)

GEORGE: (incredulous) I look just like him. I. Me. This! This is...

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 13:30:05 -0500

GEORGE: (incredulous) I look just like him. I. Me. This! This is what her boyfriend looks like. How is that possible?
JERRY: Maybe he has money.
GEORGE: (wondering) Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he and I are exactly the same, except for one minor, yet crucial, detail. You never know.
JERRY: Sometimes you do.
GEORGE: Maybe it’s some small thing I could change. Like a mustache. Or wearing a top hat, or a monocle, or a..or a cane.
JERRY: Who’s she dating? Mr Peanut?
Jerry opens the door as George looks at him.
GEORGE: (pointedly) She could do a lot worse than Mr Peanut, my friend.
George leaves, followed by Jerry.

(via The English Patient)

Agent: I’m sorry, we have no mid-size available at the...

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 13:30:05 -0500

Agent: I’m sorry, we have no mid-size available at the moment.
Jerry: I don’t understand, I made a reservation, do you have my reservation?
Agent: Yes, we do, unfortunately we ran out of cars.
Jerry: But the reservation keeps the car here. That’s why you have the reservation.
Agent: I know why we have reservations.
Jerry: I don’t think you do. If you did, I’d have a car. See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to *hold* the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.

(via The Alternate Side)

JERRY: What is that?GEORGE: Ahh, Steinbrenner gave ‘em to...

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 13:30:05 -0500

JERRY: What is that?
GEORGE: Ahh, Steinbrenner gave ‘em to us, in honour of Phil Rizzuto being inducted into the Hall of Fame.
He squeezes the miniature head.
HEAD: Holy cow!
JERRY: They don’t actually have to squeeze his head to get him to say ‘holy cow’, do they?
GEORGE: Just the last few innings of a double-header.

(via The Pothole)

KRAMER: Look how dark it’s gettin’ already.JERRY:...

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 13:30:05 -0500

KRAMER: Look how dark it’s gettin’ already.
JERRY: Well, it’s not Daylight Savings Time yet.
KRAMER: When does it start?
JERRY: I don’t know, they just tell you the night before.
KRAMER: Uh. Well, I’m sick o’ waiting. I am springin’ ahead riiight now.
JERRY: [under breath] Oh, I’m sure that won’t cause any problems.

(via The Suzie)

JERRY: So what do you do? You can’t keep avoiding...

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:30:05 -0500

JERRY: So what do you do? You can’t keep avoiding her.
GEORGE: Why not? If she can’t find me, she can’t break up with me. And, if we’re still goin’ out, she has to gooo to the ball.

(via The Suzie)

Puddy: So the gloves were right by the phone....

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:30:05 -0500

Puddy: So the gloves were right by the phone. That is pretty funny.
Elaine: See, this is what Jerry’s doesn’t understand. We can see each other. We can see each other every day, but it doesn’t mean we are back together.
Puddy: I mean I love just seeing you and having sex.
Elaine: Yeah.
Puddy: Not having to do all that…you know…work.
Elaine: Well, either way…
Puddy: All that calling you, and buying you stuff…
Elaine: David…
Puddy: Caring about how everyone at work isn’t as smart as you. It’s brutal.
Elaine: Alright that’s it! We’re back together!
Puddy: Oh, no.
Elaine: Oh, yeah.
Puddy: Look Elaine, be reasonable.

(via The Voice)